It’s that email that no one ever wants to receive, the one that makes you catch your breath, that makes you feel like someone sucker punched you. What made it worse was that it came from a “friend”; what added further insult was that its intention was meant to be helpful, but its delivery demeaned me to nothing more than my sex. This person had sent me a link to a site that contained photos of me (from FB, Instagram, SnapChat, MySpace etc.) that he had “stumbled upon” while searching for nudes of me which he did not find. The page was filled with images/videos of men masturbating to them, along with the usual disgusting comments that were probably typed wide-eyed, with dick firmly in hand… I’m sure you can imagine my reaction.
Think for a moment about how that would make you feel- not sexy, not wanted, not beautiful- it makes you feel like an object. Like a tool for sexual gratification. Like something that can be used, something that is separate from your voice, your values, your worth as a person. It doesn’t make you feel like a goddess, it makes you feel like a cum receptacle.
As for the site- I’m not all that surprised I am on it. For every beautiful, outspoken woman, there is some rejected guy on a mission to bring her down. And what is the easiest, most pathetic way to do something like that? Make her a sex object. Call her morality into question. Make her nothing but a slut to be fucked. The most effective way to have her friends, her family, and her support circle reject her- is to make her a whore. No one wants to defend or respect a whore. At least, that is what society has shown us.
In our world, a sexual image has no soul. It is not attached to an actual person. It is coldly and aesthetically arranged to be completely removed from anything human. Look no further than the Fappening or revenge porn sites and you’ll see thousands upon thousands of comments that echo the same mantra…”She is a whore”, “Fuck that slut”, “Look at those titties”, “This whore got what she deserved”, “Nasty bitch”… These words are not only written by men, but also women. The second they’ve seen you naked, they stop treating you like a human and start treating you like an object.
When I first learned about my photos, I was infuriated. It wasn’t until a friend said “this is why you shouldn’t dress that way”, that I even felt a moment of shame- which was quickly replaced by rage. Victim blaming is also something that is far from new. I was violated, my images were violated, my sense of being was violated. I did not ask to be put on that site- being beautiful and having a vagina does not make me deserving of sexual punishment. It is not a crime to be in control of my body and I am not automatically wrong simply for being female. Before you ask me why I have those photos, ask yourself why you are emulating the mind of a misogynist.
Taking those photos and degrading me was meant to be a form of punishment. It was meant to attack who I am and what I stand for. The men who decided to post them are the same idiots in high school who lied about screwing the prom queen because she dared to tell them “no”. They are the same guys who get a girl drunk and try to pry her panties off while she clings to them and says “stop”. They are the same guys who expect sexual gratification as a return on the investment of being a “friend” and call you a “slut” when you put them in the friend-zone. They are nothing more than the pathetic, self-hating cowards that women like me having been shutting down for years; and they are less than a step away from becoming the very rapists whose mentality they have adopted.
It’s inevitable that as I gain more followers, as more and more people come into contact with my site or my profiles, more of these photos will be circulated. It’s something I will have to make peace with. There will always be some guy who will take my image, photoshop it, or share it to some other site- but there will also be people like me who will not tolerate it.
As I scrolled through the other pages I saw images of other women and girls who had been violated. Most of them have no idea that someone stole their photos and shared them with other men. Most of them are probably carrying on with their lives, not knowing that any day they could receive that email, that text or that phone call. Most of them have no idea that they are being turned into victims while some perv photoshops, screenshots, and uploads their image for the amusement of other creeps. It is for those women and myself that I write this post. It is for any woman who has ever been violated by some disgusting site. For any woman who thinks for even a moment that she is to blame for this- you’re not. Don’t think that those pictures reveal anything about who you are. They think they’ve seen you laid bare, but they’ll never know the depth of your mind, the ferociousness of your love or the untainted beauty of your soul- they’ll never have seen you truly naked.