“Contrary to popular belief, this pussy is mine- it is not your pussy, it is not our pussy…it’s my fucking pussy!”, I found myself screaming this at a man last weekend. One hand pointing a defiant finger in the bastard’s face, the other firmly holding my lady parts in protest to his amateur groping. I knew trying to educate this limp noodle wouldn’t be in my best interest, but in my rage mode, I continued my berating until I knew his dick was good and flaccid from the tongue lashing his ego had just received. As absurd as this moment was, it is far from out of the ordinary in my life- being a single and independent woman comes with its own share of wayward boner carriers and smooth talking dick biscuits. Apparently having confidence and sex appeal makes for good groping sport for mundane dates; something my date was about to get his own dose of. ***disclaimer*** I have been known to grab a man’s balls. But only if he has had the gall to grab at me without my permission. I think of it as equal treatment.
So what brought me to this awkward position? What made this ham-fisted jackass think he had the right to touch me? I allowed the man to buy me a drink. A DRINK!!! We had met an activist event and hit it off, so when he offered to take me out for a drink, I agreed. How was I to know how sour our evening would go?
We met up at one of my favorite bars and ordered a round of drinks. The conversation was going well, turns out we had quite a few things in common, we talked about my blog, feminism, politics- things that tend to spark my interest. Imagine how surprised I was that he seemed genuinely interested in the things that other men have found to be boring. Our night turned out to be pretty good, a couple more rounds, lively conversation and a decent amount of chemistry.
After we paid our tab, we headed outside; I called for my Uber and he said he would wait with me. I put my phone in my purse and turned around to face him when I suddenly found myself pushed up against a wall with this idiot trying to put his tongue in my mouth. As if his facial assault wasn’t bad enough, I could feel his hands grabbing at me and his lackluster crotch grinding into my leg. It was at this point that my knee found a mind of its own and my teeth had a sudden urge to bite. This was how my pointing and screaming tantrum began.
What the hell is with some of these guys today? I am well aware that many people skip the dating and head straight towards friends with benefits- which turns into situation-ships and eventual relationships- but fuck…some of us don’t operate that way. That isn’t to say I’m some sort of nun- anyone who knows me will tell you full well it’s miraculous that I don’t burst into flames when entering a church. But just because my vagina is active and not in continuous hibernation, does not mean that some random guy can come and claim it as his own personal cave. Being sexually active does not mean that my legs will miraculously open for every Tom, Dick and Harry that decides to pop around for a $10 drink.
Now when I try to explain this to the guys who seem a bit lost on the ideas of respect and consent, they accuse me of being frigid, anti-sex or anti-men. Why is it that when I enforce my right to say “no”, I am suddenly portrayed as a prude bitch? I have never been anti-casual sex, or anti-sex whatsoever- what I am is anti-asshole. I understand that we live in a hookup culture, but it is my right to decide who, when and where I engage in those activities. I know that when it comes to dating or treating women with respect, your mother will probably tell you to emulate a man that you respect, I am simply asking that you take a note from Justin Trudeau instead of Donald Trump.
Tell me how is forcing your body against mine showing me respect? What kind of response are you thinking you’re going to get? Do you think that I will pull my panties down and just do you because you expected it? Do you think that I like feeling your sloppy kisses and disgusting hard on against my body? Who the fuck would like something like that? Who? Stop telling me I’m acting like a prude and start asking yourself why are you acting like rapist!
So here is my little word of wisdom for some of those guys who might be reading this. Wanting to have sex is not the issue. Finding a woman attractive is not the issue. Assuming that she will fuck you because you have pushed for it- THAT IS THE GODDAMN ISSUE! If you want to sleep with a woman, fine, but state your intentions in the beginning, just say it. I promise you will get a much clearer direction of how the situation will go. It’s a simple as respecting her boundaries while making your goal clear. That’s all we are asking for- a little honesty, a little dignity and some flipping respect. I don’t think we’re asking for much, do you?